The Real Magic of Decluttering

Happy New Year! I’m writing this blog on a Sunday morning up at a friend’s cottage. But just 48 hours ago, I was saying to a client, I have no inspiration for this month’s blog.  By the end of the day that had all changed.

On the drive home I was talking to a friend who told me about a video she saw on YouTube. She described a cute, little woman who reminded her of Tinker Bell. She was referring to Marie Kondo. For those of you who don’t know, Marie took the world by storm in 2015, with the translation of her book The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. Spark Joy, apparently written in 2012, then received a lot of attention as well. Following that, I didn’t hear much more about Marie Kondo.

Until this year! Marie Kondo now has a show on Netflix called Tidying Up. I’ve only watched one episode so far, but I was struck by the difference between this show of 2019, and the organizing shows of 10 years ago. In tidying up, we see Marie come to the client’s home.  She greets the home, speaks in soft tones, smiles warmly as she explains the significance of our items sparking joy within us. Marie describes sparking joy as being the same feeling we experience when hugging a puppy – I thought that was a great explanation!!!

Much of the episode I watched showed the family working on their own, over several days. This is sheer brilliance! It’s really important for the TV viewer to recognize that the process of getting organized doesn’t occur in just one hour; it’s about trying to incorporate new habits. Most importantly, while the family records their experience, they talk about their feelings. They acknowledge that dealing with their clutter ultimately allowed them to feel more relaxed at home. There was less arguing. The husband even said that before they decluttered, he wasn’t giving the best of himself to his family. But now that home was a more peaceful place, he could show up as a better version of himself. That is the real magic we experience when we declutter. Dealing with the clutter isn’t merely cleaning up. It’s about simplifying. Reducing stress. Freeing up time to do what matters most to you, and creating harmony at home.

I hope that the gentle demeanour of Marie Kondo will put a positive spin on the organizing process. People familiar with the organizing shows of yesteryear always ask, Are you going to make me throw all my stuff? The answer is always a resounding No!!! Just like the couple featured in that first episode of Tidying Up, I want people to realize all the good things that come from living with clarity and intention.  If you’re beginning to see how order in your home can bring peace and fulfillment to your life, make a plan. Make it happen. 

Six Reasons Why it Makes Sense to Hire a Move Manager

Do you realize that moving is one of the 7 most stressful things we will ever do in our lives?¹ If you’ve ever had to move, in-between raising your family, doing the laundry, working and trying to catch a few Z’s, you can certainly attest to that fact!!

A little known fact is that move managers can make your move a stress-free undertaking. We exist and we make life a lot easier for you around move time. I’m shocked by the number of times I work with a client or speak to a realtor who is learning about move management services for the first time, or doesn’t realize that many professional organizers offer this service.

So, what’s the big deal you ask? Let me tell you . . .

We do the admin. If you want to gather a few quotes from movers, need to reserve the elevator at your condo, or need to have a bin delivered to dump all that stuff that’s not moving with you, there’s no need to spend your lunch hour on the phone. We take care of the calls and scheduling for you.

We bring the supplies. After a full day’s work, when you rush home to feed the family, throw on a load of laundry and hustle the kids out the door to soccer practice, do you really want to go to your local moving supply retailer to get boxes, tape and packing paper? Likely not. But don’t worry: we’ll bring the packing supplies needed to get the job done.

We pack . . .and label. So, your move is three weeks away. It’s 9:30 pm on a Tuesday night. Your daughter’s homework is finally done, the kitchen is cleaned and ready for tomorrow’s early-morning onslaught. You have a decision to make: Start packing boxes? Or give yourself 45 minutes to collect your thoughts, prepare for tomorrow, or maybe even have a conversation with our spouse? Wait! You’ve overlooked one other option. You can ask your move manager to pack as much or as little as needed to allow you enough time to keep your sanity. We’ll pack like items together and label the boxes, so you have a sense of what’s going on when you get to your new home.

We want you to make money. If you’re downsizing, there’s no way you can take all your furniture with you. But if you have enough unnecessary furniture, you may be able to sell it via an online auction. Your move manager will prepare the auction lots, the auction house will arrange to have your property photographed and catalogued. They’ll run the auction and even arrange for the pick-up of items that were sold. You just wait for the cheque.

We’re there on move day. This makes a world of difference to a parent with a young family, or to someone who can’t be present to support an elderly family member.  We will be on site, to field any questions from your movers and oversee the goings on of the day. That leaves you with peace of mind and the opportunity to spend those eight hours however you see fit.

We unpack. Wouldn’t it be nice to wake up on that first morning in your new home, knowing that your toothbrush is already in a bathroom cabinet, your clothes are hung in the closet and there’s coffee and cereal in the kitchen? It can happen. We will unpack your belongings so you can start settling into your new home and routines. You don’t have to live out of boxes for 6 months.

There are a number of reasons why someone may seek out a move manager:You may have health problems that make it impossible for you to look after things on your own; you may have a busy family and not enough hours in the day to get things done; you may not have anyone who can help you. Whatever the reason, take comfort in knowing that you don’t have to be that person quickly tossing things into big, black garbage bags as the moving truck prepares to drive  away.  Help is available.

 

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1. Thrive Global. https://www.thriveglobal.com/stories/28921-10-most-stressful-life-events

Three Things to Consider When Grandma Really Wants You to Have It

Family and traditions are extremely important. Every family has that treasure trove of things they are saving for the younger generation. This act of gifting can happen intentionally, with specific instructions of who is to receive the family album and cedar chest – or unintentionally, when there is a death that results in one unlucky family member inheriting an attic full of family memories, and the daunting task of trying to figure out the best thing to do with each and every item. Yikes!

Instead of dealing with years of uncertainty, guilt and, let’s face it, the burden of doing the right thing, why not try these three things:

Ask. Ask your daughter, granddaughter, godson, nephew, if they want the oak desk that would take up the floor space of most downtown condos. Then respect their answer. Simple, right? Asking is the simple part; accepting an answer that may not align with your wishes is a bit harder. But if receiving a gift is the moment in which we experience the most happiness, why would we force any physical item on someone who isn’t happy to receive it? Your gift will be received as more or an obligation, not a true gift.

Share the responsibility. Gather your extended family together to take that trip down Memory Lane. There’s no point sifting through pictures and chachkas all alone. Your cousins, aunts and uncles, may be very happy to reminisce with you. Getting the whole gang together is an opportunity for storytelling and laughs, maybe some tears too.  But it also gives you a sense of who else may appreciate having a memento of that loved one, and removes the burden of guessing what the best course of action is. And keep in mind, if no one takes you up on your offer to attend that party on Memory Lane, take that as an indication that you need not worry about who else might be interested in receiving a keepsake.

Take some, not all. Passing down the family china, is a common practice. So too is passing down a collection of things, like spoons, stamps, pressed flowers, whatever! The reality is, we live a much faster paced life than our ancestors did.  We don’t necessarily have the time to care for the collections, or hand-wash the china. Many people today prefer to spend their spare time enjoying adventure travel or pursuing intense fitness training. These choices do not lend themselves to having a home filled with objects that we seldom have the time to even acknowledge, much less celebrate and enjoy. Instead of taking on the full china cabinet or the complete collection, why not pick out a couple of favourites to showcase in your current life? You get to hang on to the memory, without being overwhelmed by it.  

Layered for Security

Happy Monday! I'm super excited to share this month's blog.

The work I do can be very personal and shrouded in secrecy. I'm still working hard to normalize disorganization so that people stop  beating themselves up -- not quite there yet!

But once in a while, I have the privilege of working with someone who understand and accepts their struggle with organization. More importantly, they are ready for change, ready to accept help, and want people to learn form their journey. That's where I find myself this month . . .

Last fall I was reunited with Regina. This, of course, is not her real name; but I have her permission to share her story -- she even gave this a read-through before I published it. Regina and I worked together some three years prior. As often happens, organization slipped to the bottom of her list of priorities and we took a little hiatus. But when Regina's neighbour in her Toronto condo discovered bedbugs, the alert went out that the entire floor was to be sprayed; Regina knew she couldn't avoid her clutter any longer. She enlisted friends and family to help clear the floor and move items away from the walls; she also asked if I could be present "for moral support".                  
                               

As fate would have it, Regina's unit was spared the scourge of an infestation. But having to let strangers into her cluttered space was the catalyst for her to get back on the organizing bandwagon. Our first three-hour session together was extraordinary. With careful consideration, my client made mindful decisions about what she wanted to occupy the space in her bedroom. Armoires were emptied, clothes were folded and returned to the shelves. Other clothes were tossed into the numerous bags which were carted down to my car and carried off to the Salvation Army. I returned two days later and witnessed more of Regina's determination.

But the following week I received a call. The baring of Regina's soul began. We would need to slow the pace of our work from twice weekly, to bi-weekly. She was frozen (mentally and emotionally). Her arthritis wasn't making it easy for her either. When I returned the following week, the big confession was made: The open space Regina worked so hard to create left her feeling vulnerable. She had purchased $300 of clothes and $500 of craft supplies to fill the open spaces shortly after I had left her. 

Regina is an abuse survivor. Historically, her bedroom has been a place of violence. For decades, her stuff has protected her, acting as a physical barrier. The space she reclaimed, in an effort to help her live more peacefully and easily, in fact left her feeling threatened. On her therapist's advice Regina turned to her art to process the emotions that her transformed home conjured within her. The result is the assortment of images accompanying this article. These are all examples of the Fibonacci sequence.

Regina started with a black canvas -- card stock actually. This represented the negative space that haunted her in her bedroom. Negative space is the area around an object, like the open space that was now visible in between the neatly folded stacks of clothes that occupied the bedroom armoire. Her mission was to fill the negative space. The colourful dots were carefully placed in sequence to create something more soothing and satisfying than the terrifying back panel of the armoire. After a sufficient number of dots covered the canvas, a second layer of dats was added. The same colour was added on top of its base colour, creating dimension, like a swirl of soft serve ice cream. Regina continued to stack the colourful layers until she had that sense that it was just right, that she had put enough dots to fill the negative space.

Regina tells me that the greatest benefit derived from the sequences is in the act of creating them. She has no attachment to them. But she does move them around her condo and affix them to any open space she may be contemplating. The colours fill the negative space and help to ground her.

I continue to be amazed by the creative way that Regina chooses to face her demons. And I am inspired by her strength, determination and courage to continue her journey, while caring for body, mind, soul and home. Not an easy feat. 

Three Ways to Involve the Kids to get Organized

As  families grow, the days seem drastically shorter. There are never enough hours for self-care, quality time with family, or that extra time that could always be used at work and home. Don't settle for the chaos that can accompany life with kids. These three tips will allow you to have a few minutes of peace,  before you become an empty nester.

State your expectations. As parents, we think it’s obvious to all family members what we expect and what the household standards are. Not so. Whether your kids are toddlers or teenagers, they need you to spell out the rules of the game. Toddlers learn the Tidy Up song in pre-school. If they are held accountable for putting things away when outside of the home, they can be held accountable at home. Try the five-minute warning, “We’re going to have dinner in a few minutes. Let’s tidy up before we eat”, then spend a few minutes helping return things to their respective containers.

Likewise, have a talk with your tween or teen to let them know what you expect, for example make your bed daily, empty the dishwasher on Saturday mornings, put your clean laundry away. And be sure to tie a reward or consequence to these tasks.

Teach your kids. Prioritizing and organizing are skills we learn.  Teach your kids about limits. If there is only an influx of things but no exit plan, your home will quickly become crowded and you’ll find yourself watching TV around a stack of magazines or a mountain of postponed decisions. When the toy baskets are overflowing, it’s time to have a talk about what is still age-appropriate, what is a favourite, and what might be passed along to make someone else happy.

Earmark some time, about 2 to 4 weeks before birthdays and Christmas, to talk with each of your children about what to let go of. Explain that they will receive a lot of presents and need to make space for all the new stuff to come.

Also, let your child decide the best way to let go of their once-loved possessions. Will it be off to a thrift store, neighbour, children’s charity, or listed on kijiji for some extra cash?

Involving your kids in these decisions eliminates their fear of letting go and reduces the likelihood of the kids feeling blindsided by the disappearance of their prized possessions.

Keep it simple. We are all more likely to follow the rules of organization if they are easy. Use open baskets for dirty laundry and toy storage. Avoid stacking bins; the extra steps of fitting on lids and stacking and unstacking bins, will be the difference between things being put away, or strewn about the room. Use hooks for hanging coats, clothes and towels. Consider introducing drawer dividers in dresser drawers; having a section for each type of clothing is the first step to maintaining some order in those drawers.

We shouldn’t expect things to change overnight, but by consistently stating expectations and leading by example, these organizing habits will take root.

One Good Reason Why You May be Disorganized

Does it make you crazy that some people have no difficulty at all holding it together, while you consider it a bonus if you have clean clothes to put on in the morning?

For many people with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), even daily routines can pose a challenge. What happens in the ADHD brain is that the activities of the pre-frontal cortex – the area behind the forehead – are impaired. This is the activity centre responsible for things like decision-making, time awareness, focus, detail, organization, transitioning attention, self-control, emotions and inhibition. Whew! That’s a lot. Can you imagine how easy it is for your day to go off track if there is a communication breakdown in the pre-frontal cortex?

The transfer of information between the parts of the ADHD brain that is untreated (i.e. the person is not taking medication for their ADHD) can be unreliable. This is why you forget what was said to you yesterday, or forget to complete a task that was interrupted. A lot of what happens in any given moment can be lost and therefore not transferred to long-term memory where it can be recalled and serve you at a future date.


Now, the big mystery to many is “How can anyone forget to do repeated tasks? The answer: those tasks don’t provide enough stimulation to engage the ADHD brain. If there is not an immediate benefit, the person with ADHD will focus their attention elsewhere, to something that will give immediate satisfaction or some kind of instant rush. Putting away laundry is way too boring compared to online gaming. That clean underwear will only be a priority when you open your drawer on Monday morning and discover you’ve got less than 5 minutes to put together clothes for the day and bound out the door.

But having ADHD doesn’t mean you are destined to live a life of chaos. It means recognizing that you may need some extra supports to get through the stuff that bores you to tears. And that support could be something as simple as arranging to have someone call you when it’s time to get off the couch and start getting ready for the family celebration, or putting a Post-it® Note at the door so you remember to take the present with you to the party. Other things you could try include:

• Visual/auditory timers, like the Time Timer
• Scheduling your day in your smart phone with an audible notification reminder
• Keeping Post-it® Notes in your car to capture those important thoughts that come to you at the wrong time: jot it down on a Post-it® Note and stick it on your steering wheel. When you get home, take the note in with you and stick it in a visible place, so you will be sure to act on it.  

Now, not everyone who is disorganized has ADHD. But since October is ADHD Awareness Month, I wanted to share a bit of information on the topic and let you know that there are very real reasons why some people struggle with chronic disorganization. ADHD is one of those reasons. So if you seem to always be struggling with organization, it’s not necessarily because of laziness or an inability to be organized. It’s simply a matter of learning what kind of supports you need to be organized, and bringing those supports into your life.

The 3 Most Surprising Reasons to Declutter

When people talk about getting organized, they are likely motivated by an episode of Hoarders. They suddenly realize there may be clothes in the closet that don’t fit. There’s food in the pantry that has long expired. And if they had to, they couldn’t say with absolute certainty when they last were able to clean in the corners of those closets. Their greatest fear is that they may become – or be perceived as – those people on TV. TV is great for shock value, and we as humans respond. In reality, there are only 3 – 5% of people who are diagnosed with hoarding disorder. But there are many more who live unknowingly with the harmful effects of clutter. Did you know . . .

Clutter makes us chubby. A recent Australian-US study found that we are more likely to eat snacks and sweets when we choose our food from within an environment that is chaotic, and makes us feel stressed and out of control.

We can’t think straight. Physical clutter creates mental clutter i.e. what we see outside, is a reflection of what is happening inside. Mental clutter is a state of mind whereby we are unable to filter out unnecessary information. Have you ever tried to accomplish a task – pleasant or otherwise – in a cluttered environment? How did it go? I know this is one the female entrepreneur, working from home, can definitely identify with. It’s hard to complete a marketing plan when shoes are spilling out across the front foyer and piles of paper greet us at every corner. The visual stimuli are completely overwhelming.

Clutter makes us sad. A 2016 study conducted by the University of New Mexico looked at our perception of our home and how it translated into our sense of overall happiness. NB: the home is not merely the physical structure you live in, but an intricate web of experiences and feelings.  Have you ever spent time in a cozy chalet, or visited a friend and found yourself thinking that your surroundings were homey? You didn’t feel like you were in your own home; you felt comfort, warmth, peace. That’s what we’re talking about when we say home. It’s that intangible state of Zen.

But when your home is cluttered, you can’t identify with that feeling of Zen. Your retreat is threatened, compromised. As a result, your overall feelings of happiness, safety and wellbeing are diminished.

So you see, decluttering isn't just about being house proud, or inflexible. It's not about colour-coordinating throw pillows. It's about creating a setting in which we can be our best selves: feeling good, thinking clearly, and making healthy choices. It's about achieving that sense of peace when we walk through the door at the end of a long and demanding day. It's about waking up with the clarity and energy to take on the world. Sounds good to me.